I am officially out of debt.

The dept of revenue (which was who I was paying off for a while- Long story) gave me six dollars back from the fifty I sent them at the end of last month. Which means they got my tax return and they got my check so that equals = no more debt for M! YAY!

I can't believe that setting goals actually works. I set a goal for my self and I got it accomplished. It's amazing!

Which also means that I can save for PAX . Which is going good being on schedule and all.

I also need to buy my mother's computer from her. She is giving it to me for 400 dollars! That is not even half of what she paid for it. I figured I can buy it in two paychecks. Plus I should be getting a return in my bank account. Which I am not too sure why it hasn't shown up yet. But it is the government and they do take a while processing things. So I am sure it will turn up soon.

Work has been getting harder in that... I'm finding hard not to yell at people. I haven't yet but one of these days I will. and that won't be good.

But anyway. I think I need to work on my personal statement seeing as I will need to send that in soon.

...

After System Shock 2...

Oh man I can't wait to get out of here.

I had a horrible dream last night.

I was somewhere it looked like a store or a resturant. I think I was serving people and I saw these men in black suits coming up to the counter. They said that I was under arrest for "Heresy" because I signed my name different on several documents. I was freaking out. I asked them what will happen to me and someone said 20 days in prison at the most. I knew he was lying. I went with them to this Asian town... I was to be detained there. There were things that occurred in the dream that I don't remember but that was it.

It was just weird.

Anyway... Mr. Asshole has finally left the building. Now people are going to be talking about him for months. Which is going to be annoying as hell. I am actually getting sick of serving people. I can feel my patience wearing thin. I mean my job is pretty easy and I can find some joy out of it... but... I mean it just gets tedious at times. Acting SO nice for every customer. I am losing it. I can feel my self getting mean when they ask me something stupid. and when a drink isn't made to their specifications and I have to fix it I can feel myself tremble with anger. Which isn't a good thing because one of these days I'm going to loose it.

One of my friends was talking about renting a house with four other people, including my self. I thought that might be a good idea but really thinking about it. I don't make enough money to do that right now because we can't get a fourth person at the moment. So I would be paying almost a full paycheck per month. Which I don't want to do right now. Because I don't want to get a second job. Where I am living now I am getting a sweet deal. I can spend the rest of my check on things that I wanted while still paying rent and occasionally buying food for my self. So I don't want to move yet. Well I do but I want to get out of here also I want to save money for PAX.

Which by the way is official. My sister and I are FOR SURE going now. Which is good because I was worried that it would fall through. Now that it's positive then a lot of weight has been lifted off of me.
It's just amazing... I've accomplished my goals and I am going to PAX as a reward.

Anyway... I should go to work.

Back to the slat mines I go.

*sigh* I can't wait for the week to be over.

Okay.

So nothing much to report on the new girl except that Mr. Annoying Asshole (as I've decided to call him now) thinks that she is a Pathological liar. He actually said "Professional Liar" but I think that she a Pathological liar which in essence is the same thing. The only reason he says that is because when she was being trained at the downtown store there were a couple stories that seemed off to the people who were working with her there...
So I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks there is something up with this chick.

In other news... I am still sick.

But I feel better than yesterday. Which is good. I had to REALLY drug my self because I was super congested and I wouldn't have been able to make it through the day if I didn't. I think I'll do that again today so that I can at least make it until closing. Plus I actually didn't mind Mr. Annoying Asshole's company yesterday, probably because of all the drugs I was on yesterday. But he has his moments where he is tolerable.

I just can't get over that I will soon be out of debt. That is just so awesome!
I am glad that I am accomplishing my goals. Because it has taken quite a lot of effort. And all that hard work is finally paying off. Which makes me feel good. YAY FOR ME! Setting goals works! Seriously. I have always had a hard time setting a goal for my self. I am just geeking out about how good this feels.

Okay, I should go to work now.

So.
I am forced to work even though I am sick and I should be in bed... but that isn't happening. Because there aren't enough people to cover my shift and I'd hate to do that to my crew. Plus it's only one more day until Friday. And Friday is PAYDAY! YAY! God damn I hate being sick. >_<. It really sucks.

I am excited because I just sent the check to pay off one of my outstanding debts. Which means I won't have to worry about that anymore. It is going to take a chunk out of my check but as long as it is paid off I don't really think I am going to care very much. Next debt is on it's way to being paid off and then I'll be debt FREE! YAY!

I am also excited for PAX. My friends and I had a meeting about it and we figured that it would be $200 bucks per person. Except I have to pay double that because of my little sister who is also coming. So that is $400 bucks for me. (Ouch >_<) But I promised that I'd take her so...
I am just happy that it is all coming together. Like I feel so awesome organizing this. It makes me happy.

So back to work for a second...

There is this new girl that my boss hired and...

I get the feeling that something is not right about her... and I don't know what it is... and it's not just me that's getting that feeling either! One of my co-workers yesterday said something to the same effect. So it's not just me. I mean she's nice but there is something really strange about her... My other co-worker has been flirting with her... they look like they are a perfect couple. Only because he annoys me to no end and I can't wait until he leaves on June 18th! I should be nicer to him... I mean he likes some of the things that I like... It's just when he constantly tells me what to do it bugs the crap out of me! I mean it was fine the first two weeks that I was working there but to constantly do it, AGH!!!! I just can't wait until he goes home for the summer.
Wow! that was quite a tangent.

Anyway, new girl...

I think there is some ulterior motive. Something that she's hiding.

When Mr. Annoying (that's what I've decided to call him) asked her why she decided to work for City Coffee. She was very indirect about her answer. And that made me more suspicious. What is she hiding? Why is she working for City Coffee? I may never know. But at the same time I need to know. She may never gain my trust but I can gain hers. and when I find out what that secret is she won't know what hit her. MWA HA HA HA HA HA!

Well... I'll update when I find out more.

-Invader M Out.-

Sparkly...

I had such a good day today...

Well more like an ego boosting day...

It all started when I drew something at work. I kept getting complements on it. A lot of people really liked my work and to me it was just a simple drawing... something that I draw when I am bored... But to them it was something awesome. Eventually I think my co-workers got sick of being asked who's work it was and so they put it out of sight. Which was kind of funny...

I found amusing anyway.

Then on the bus ride home I was sketching and a bunch of kids got on the bus and one of them sat down next to me. Soon... I heard a voice say over the music streaming from my headphones. "Wow, your really good". As I said "Why, Thank you!" I turned my head to see that I was flocked by them. I gave a surprise laugh and said "Woah!"
They were super cute. They were asking me questions about drawing and I showed them the other pictures in my sketch book. They were awed. Eventually I asked if they wanted me to draw them a picture. They were so excited when I asked them. I ended up drawing Venom, Bomber Man, SpongeBob, and Superman.

I am now their idol.

In fact some of those are going to be framed behind glass. So they said. I just hope they hold on to them... if I become famous of course.

I don't think my ego has been this big in a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time. I feel shiny and happy. I feel like all those years of drawing and practicing are finally paying off. It is such a nice feeling to be appreciated and adored. I just need to put that skill into what I really want to do. And I already know that I am on my way to being somebody great.

No Artificial Flavors!

Finally the last chain link of my past has been broken. I am no longer it's slave.

I am actually happy and not artificially.

Now I must sleep.

Tomorrow is a big day.

And one step closer to going to school.

And one step closer to fulfilling my dream to being who I want to be.

Lesson Learned.

An important lesson was learned.

And that lesson was an eye opener, I guess you could say.

I felt like I've been stuck in a horrible rerun of some sort. It seemed that I was making the same mistakes and I wasn't doing anything to change them. But where did I go? I went deeper inside my little shell of me and buried myself under the problems I was having. Never ending visions of all the mistakes and bad things I'd done kept repeating in my mind and suffocated me.

Then after getting...

inebriated...

^__^;

I EXPLODED on a different online journal.

It wasn't pretty.

In short it basically stated that I felt like shit and I wasn't going where I wanted to and I felt trapped because of it. The explosion didn't help... it actually made everything worse... >_<>
What I need was an intervention.

And I got it... Sorta...

A certain someone stepped forward and that person told me what they saw in me. They saw me hurting and they wanted to help but I would push them away by being reclusive and hiding deeper inside my self. I spoke of how much I was hurt in the past and how much pain that life had caused me (tears flowing down my face). As they replied the words suddenly slapped me in the face. I realized that I was so foolish.

I was foolish for holding on to my past for so long. That was the over looming horrible monster that I kept chained to my self. There were so many things that I never actually forgave my self for. I felt like no one would ever understand what I went through. What I felt. And all the pain and suffering that I had when I was growing up. But instead of talking about it, I just let it eat away inside me.

And if this someone hadn't talked some sense into me... well, I would probably still be wallowing in my disillusions of self worthlessness. I realized that I needed to let all that shit go. because it didn't matter anymore. Yes, I fucked up... billions of times... but that is apart of this thing called life that we all have to go through. Every one fucks up some how and there is no reason to beat yourself up about it constantly like I did.

I realized that even though I was broken I could be glued back together. There were things that hurt me and crushed me but that doesn't matter now. Because it was in the past. So I didn't do it a certain way... well whatever, I made a mistake. I am only human.

I also realized that even though I am not going anywhere now I know that I WILL be able to go and it is because of this great desire to get the fuck out of this city that I will be able to. Even though it may take longer than I want to.

It's this unhealthy habit of caring so much about what other people think of you. It's this whole image thing that I hate about this society. Where people have to look a certain way, act a certain way, piss and shit in a certain way, It's sickening.

So, I am going to try my best to build a thicker skin and brush off the people who don't matter. I shouldn't care about what people think of me. Because I am me. and no one else can tell me who to be, or what I should look like, or what I need to do with my life. Fuck them! Fuck them all! From now on I will not be so critical of my self and I will let all my mistakes go. I know who I am now. Well, mostly... I am still trying to find my personal watermark as a human. And when I find my nitch in this horrible, condescending world of ours I will give the finger to those who told me what they wanted me to be and who they wanted me to become.

I want to be me.

And that is all I want to be.

I am Invader M.

Put on this earth to show all you that I am ruler of the universe.

...

You are just living here.

HA HA HA HA!