So things have just gotten weirder...

It all starts yesterday... when my sister and I were walking to her house from 33rd and Hawthorne and this little black kitty came up to us. So we petted it and turned to leave. It bounded in front of us and proceeded to follow us to my father's house. Which is on 13th. So this little cat followed us from SE 33rd and Main to 13th and Taylor. When we got to my dad's house we were trying to figure out what to do. It was obviously lost and confused. The cat was surprisingly clean and well fed so... we thought that he came from a nice home. But he doesn't have a collar and we are not sure if he is microchiped or not. He looks to be about one year old and he is the sweetest kitty that I have ever met.

So we've been putting up ad's on the internet and we will be making flyers this weekend and putting those up around where we found him. But so far it has been no luck. And we found out that his name is Toby because he looks at whomever calls him and meows. We don't get any vocal response with any other name. His name COULD be similar to Toby but he looks like a Toby. So that is what I've been calling him. He slept with me on my bed the whole night up until the time I had to go to work. I love this kitty. But I would feel bad for just keeping him... but we are doing all we can so that he can go back to his family.

Because the right thing to do sometimes hurts because it is hard to give back something that you care about. I think that the right thing to do sucks but I am sure that this kitty came from a really nice family and it would be a good thing to give him back to his home.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls... it tolls for thee

Wow it's been a while...

But I just got my internet set up yesterday. Which is good because I have been sick and tired of not having it. It is just too difficult in this day and age to not have access to the internet.

Living with out it was a pain in the ass. It's nice to be connected to the world again.

Anyway...

Not much to say except I have been working... A fucking lot. I am tired but I need the hours to make the money I need to keep me living here in my apartment. With internet... because this bill is going to be super expensive since I had to buy the modem for my internet. I thought that would be easier than buying it. So yeah. I am going to have to figure out how I am going to do school along with work. But I am sure that it will work out.

So on a sadder note

My grandfather is dying.

I saw him yesterday...

Lets just say that I do not like watching people die.

I saw him fading.

I touched his skin and it was so cold.

I knew that he was close but for some reason he is holding on to this world.

We only WISH we knew what or who he was waiting for.

But we don't know. So...

I am not close to this relative because he was a difficult person to be around. He was mean. He said some insulting things. And he had this air of hate that made you want to have your bones broken than to be around him. So I won't be sad when he is gone.

But...

I can't watch people fade.

Because it is such a hard thing to watch.

The first time I dealt with a relative dying was my grandfather on my father's side. I walked into the room and I remember seeing my grandfather in the hospital bed and I saw him. Lying there. Growing colder. The light was slowly going out. I knew that he was dying. But I couldn't watch it. I couldn't take his hand and tell him that it was alright. In fact I remember that I wanted to leave that room as fast as I could. I felt like I would be lying if I said that everything would be alright because it wouldn't be. I wouldn't see my grandfather again. So when my parents forced me to take his hand I tried so hard to choke back my tears. It was really hard. I never said that I wanted death to be easy but it is really hard for me. Since I am very empathic. I knew that he was in a lot of pain. And I knew that he wouldn't be long. But I couldn't see my grandfather, whom I loved dearly like that.

My other relative was my great grandmother on my mother's side. I couldn't say goodbye to her either. I didn't necessarily have an attachment to her but seeing her like that made me want to cry.

So now it is the third time around... and now it is the other grandfather. I knew that he is in a lot of pain and I could see it. He looked into my eyes, almost like he was looking for me to help him. Or to say that he was sorry for when I was younger. I know that he is sorry. But I couldn't look at him. He was going... he was so close that the already dark room cast a gloomy shadow around him. The only light was the light from the door and his small fading light. I knew that the grim reaper would be soon appearing and taking my grandfather.

Death it's self doesn't bother me. I know that might sound contradictory but being around a dead body does not bother me. I mean... I went to see a cadaver in high school... If it was anything that got me it was that smell that they preserved the body in. But that was minor the body it's self I was okay with.

But when someone is dying... they look to you for help. Especially when they are in a lot of pain. They look at you like you are going to help release them from this world and guide them to the next. I can feel they're pain. And I feel they're sadness and I can feel they're fear. It overloads me and I can't be around it. So that is why I left the room with tears in my eyes. And my aunt held me while I cried outside the room.

Well now that my aunt from Chicago is back in town again maybe he will finally move on. Because there is only so long that you can stay here. Eventually death has to come. For each one of us. I don't fear it. Because I know that some time the bell will ring for me and it will be my time. I just hope that I live a fulfilling life and have no regrets about how my life turned out. I hope I grow old and I have children that won't put me in a home like that. Since that is where people go to die. That would be my last request.

I think that is all I can write. I am kind of glad that I could process this. I am going to go sleep now. Goodnight.

So... yeah...

My mother and my step-dad got their kitten. We thought it was a girl but as it turns out... well... she is actually a he. So instead of Penelope we renamed him to Gizmo. Which he seems to be responding better to. My mother is a little disappointed that he is not a she but the little speed demon kind of grows on ya. I love him. He is spunky and outrageous little one and acts just like a kitten should. He plays with literally everything insight including his own tail. Which is cute to watch him attack his own tail.

That is all I can write for now. I have to head for stupid work. Hopefully I'll write more later when I am feeling up to it. But for now I really have to get going! Chao!

durf. really. durf.

I am thinking about building a portfolio website.

I am also thinking of starting some freelance work. Just for the experience.

...

and extra cash.

yes I am in it for the money.

I mean what do you expect? Come on. I am a starving artist here!

Well anyway. Yeah. A portfolio website. I tried learning HTML once and I am not to keen on it and I don't really want to try again. I don't really want to spend any money on making a website or pay someone to do it for me. ... I'd rather do it with as little fund usage as possible.

I also need to get my scanner working. I also need to pack up my shit so that I can move it to my new apartment. My sister has the cable somewhere in her piles of things. I just hope that I can find it.

I also need to go through my crap because I am sure that not all of it will be able to fit in my new place. In fact I am pretty fucking sure. Well... either I am going to sell it or give it to the goodwill. I am sure that someone else can get some use out of my crap.

whelp... I am going to bed now. more on my interesting life and escapades later.

be sure to tune in next time for more danger and adventures!

Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Wow.

Good things are in motion and I am happy.

It looks like I am moving in to my apartment on the first of June.

I am so excited! I bought pretty much my first apartment tools at the dollar tree today. I know what you're thinking. But I got all my kitchen utensils for only a dollar there. Which is better then going anywhere else and paying two bucks for a plastic spatula. So I think I got a good deal. I didn't get any knives there however because I am waiting until someone else gets me a small set. I am also getting some free furniture. Like My aunt is giving me a chair that she says she never uses. I also have several bookshelves and my mother is gifting me one of her rugs. My mom also bought me a shower curtain! YAY! Anyway. I pretty much have everything for my new apartment. Except for knives, a couch, a table and chairs. I am so ready for my new apartment.

But the main point in all this is because I am going to be having a house warming party after the first. I was thinking of the weekend after next but I am not too sure because I might be working the Rose Parade. So if I am it will have to be the NEXT weekend. Which will be the 14th of June. Honestly that will be better because I will have moved and settled in by then. Also that gives everyone enough notice to come. I am really excited.

I am slightly burned on one half of my body...

Only because we went swimming in a lake today. We had a long round-about adventure but it turned out that I got to swim in a lake and canoe on a log until I capsized. But at least I had a good time. We are going to go back to that lake sometime this summer again. It's a nice place. The other people there were very mellow and we left when the circus elephants (the fat white people who couldn't resist the temptation of talking on they're cell phones) arrived.

I am going to hurt in the morning.

It looks like I am going to get the apartment that I want. The landlady was a little concerned about me not making a lot of money but my step-dad talked her into giving me a chance. I mean at the amount that I am making now I will barely be able to scrape by for the first couple months. I would be solely living off of tip money while my paycheck would be going to rent and the electrics. But I could do it. I've done it before. And with the extra money that I had saved in California (I am so glad I saved that money!) I would be a little ahead for each rent check. But I think that I can do this. I won't have any luxuries for a while but I gotta take the good with the bad. At least I will have a place to call my own!

I can't wait to have my house warming party! I am not sure when I am going to have it but I am excited for it anyway. I can't believe I am going to have my own place to live and not live in my parent's house! I am going to be independent and live on my own! I have almost everything for my kitchen. I have plates, cups, silverware, pots and pans! All I need now are a small set of knives to start me out with and then I am set! I even have TWO sets of cookware. I am thinking of selling one of the sets to help me out with the rent. But... we'll see...

I am thinking of a second job however. For the afternoons and the summer time. So that I can get a little ahead for school and put some money away for other things like emergencies. But we'll see... I know that the summer jobs go pretty fast because of the college kids who need work for the summer. Hopefully I'll get lucky and work somewhere easy where I could just slide right in during the summer and mosey out for the fall.

The apartment it's self is really nice. I have named it "The Loft" because it is on the second floor and it... well... looks like a loft. It's got two really big front windows with a beautiful view, a new kitchen sink, new counter tops, the stove is going to be fixed and the carpet's cleaned. *sigh* It's going to be my new home. It's also going to be nice and warm for the winter... the way the sun 'll hit it in the afternoon so I won't have to turn on the heat so much is going to be awesome.

I might have to buy internet though... I am not sure if I can get internet up there. I've been lucky to get it for free here in the room that I am currently residing in but I am not too sure about the reception in "the Loft"... we shall have to see.

I also might have a kitten! My mom and step-dad are thinking about getting a kitten! One of our neighbors has a friend who's kitty had a litter of kittens! There are two females and one male and they are all gray. I've never had a gray kitten before! We decided that we want a female kitten because they are easier to potty train and they won't mark their territory all over the walls. Mom and I decided what we want to name her; we want to call her "Penelope" and "Penny" for short. I can just imagine her. With a little pink collar and a heart name tag. Aw... she would be so CUTE! My mom is sometimes allergic to cats (it really depends on how bad their dander is) so she might have to give the kitten to me if she can't handle it. Which would be awesome because I would love little Penelope! I love kittens! And I love kittens when they grow up too! Because kitties are great pets. Sometimes they climb all over your stuff and roll about in your clean laundry but I love them!

Well I am excited. I am hoping that the things for the apartment get finalized soon so that I can move in by the first. Then I will be sure to tell everyone about my housewarming party! I can't wait!

again with the violence...

My time here at home has been an interesting one. Living with my parents has made me want to move out sooner. I love my mom but I think I would like my own space to decorate and call my own. It looks like that will actually happen for me next month. That makes me happy.

I have been going through some interesting emotions lately. Not necessarily bad just... there. And I feel them. But I try to be optimistic about my life. I dislike my job but it's not all that bad. Even when all the crazies appear.

Tomorrow will be interesting and intense because there will be about 30 some teenagers that are coming for shakes and lattes. We only have one blender. Luckily there will be four of us. Two on the bar and two on each register. I am glad we got a warning... it would have been unfortunate if they all came out of nowhere. Which has been known to happen. I am glad that some people are courteous.

But what should make tomorrow more interesting is that I seemed to have gained my repetitive stress in my arm and shoulder again. My arm actually swelled up. yeah. I put ice on it. The swelling seems to have gone down some but I can't extend it all the way again. Unfortunately I know what a doctor will say. They will say that I need to be off my arm for awhile to wear a freaking elbow cast. It is almost impossible to pull shots with my left hand. It's hard when your dominant hand/arm doesn't function as it usually does.

I am going to still use my sore arm for tomorrow. Since we have that huge order to crank out. I don't know when the shit storm is coming but hopefully it will be after the big morning rush. *crosses fingers*.

Whelp. I better get me some sleep because I am tired and I have to get up early tomorrow.

Have a scientatstic day, everyone.