New Post Once Again

It's been a while.

Again.

But I have been busy. 

2014 has been an interesting year so far and I am not sure if it's good yet or not.

Early this year I had a cancer scare. Good news is we caught it really early and they were able to remove all of it so I just have to get checked again in 6 months to make sure that it didn't come back. 

That was a fun month and a half. 

We've moved into my mother-in-law's house so that we can start saving money for a home loan. My husband predicts about 6 months from now we will have enough. I can't wait until we have our own house! I really want to plant that garden.

Right now I am trying to get my college squared away so I can get a degree in Graphic Design. Which I am super excited about. Clark has a really cool graphic design associates degree which is all about portfolio building and honing skills. I just have to go see an advisor today so I can figure out where to start. I am hoping that some of my other credits transferred over. 

Anyway, I am hoping to put some art up soon. I have been carrying around this sketchbook and I need to post some art from it. 

That is all for now. 

Here I am again.

And... here I am again! Back in the same place that I left about a month ago. 

Quite a bit has happened but I realized some important things about my life and where I want to go with it. 

While I was away from blog posting decisions were made, lives were changed, the cities that are burning in the fires of enemies! 

...Well maybe not that last one so much. 

No one really cares about what I write and not like I am depressed about it or anything but I am well aware of the reality of blogs. I write because I feel like I am sharing a part of my self in a time of my life where things are changing. Whether or not anyone actually reads this I don't really care. I am sure that I have said this before but I am writing in this blog for me and if anyone actually reads it, awesome ... I guess. Making "public" statements helps keep my thoughts together and keeps me writing. 

I got off track again.

As I was saying, I have made a plan. A plan to be the plan of all plans! The plan of my life and where I am going and what I am going with my self. 

Yep, another one. But this time it's really good I swear! It is the plan to end all plans. 

I decieded to go back to school. 

I know huge shocker there but it gets better. 

I am NOT going back for Animation. 

O__O

I know right? Super shocker!

Now don't get me wrong, I love animation. I love it to death. I still have such a HUGE appreciation for it. 

but...

I don't think that I could do it for a career. I like working on one project for a few weeks, with animation I can't do that. I have to sit a desk for millions of hours of millions of days for two or more years drawing the same exact thing over and over and... I don't have the patience for it. Surprise, surprise. I did like animating but I can't see my self doing it for very long. Honestly, I get bored and want to work on other drawings. That's why I have decided to become a Concept Artist/Character Designer as my career. Which there is a market for. It is hugely competitive (animation is just as competitive) but I can work on animation! As well as video games, books, TV and movies! I am really excited. I can work on a project for maybe a month or two and then move on to the next one. My passion is character design, I love drawing people and creatures. I definitely want to make it my career and I will make just about as much as animator makes (maybe a little less). 

This is all well and good however but I first need to get a job. I need a part time job to be able to pay for my education. I have been looking all around our area and so far nothing. I haven't given up though. Now that I have a better understanding of where I am going with my life I am excited to  make it happen! 

That's all I am going to update for now. 

Keep up the good work internet. 

Ta! 

Amazing mental clarity from the fresh air

I just came back from a 5-day vacation at Trout Lake with a lot on my mind. Meaning my mind was distracted and muddled. Feeling depressed a little bit and wondering where I was going to go with my business and my artwork. Working on T-Shirt designs has been toiling on me and I never wanted to work on anything. So when my aunt invited me to go to Trout Lake with her I said yes, I would love to come.
Apart from enjoying the gorgeous scenery I was doing a lot of thinking and processing about myself and where I wanted to go with my life. I realized that I have put a lot of financial strain on my husband without realizing it. Then I realized that I HATE working at home! I am not really happy with our home as it is. I don't like having my work space and our bedroom in the same space. It feels restricting and suffocating in there. Also the fact that the bedroom lacks the natural light that I need to work. I realized that I work best with some natural light shinning in a room. Two rooms that fit this description are the living room and the kitchen. Although, sometimes I don't like working in these spaces because it doesn't have the same privacy that I like when I am alone in a room with a door. I feel like even if I solve this problem I will still have trouble working.

During my stay at Trout Lake I got some work done! I was able to sketch like mad and I came up with some great designs! and I started to do the line art on the computer and everything. I was excited to work and draw again.

But I wasn't home.

Again, after much internalizing I came to the conclusion that I have to get a job. I would really love to be drawing for a living but if I can't do it when I am home then I won't be able to do it. However, I think that if I get a job I will be able to come home and do my art and want to do anything else that I want/ need to do. So here are my goals for April:

Get a part-time job

Produce at least 10 different designs for April (If successful then bump up to 15)

Cook meals for my family

Work out at least an hour everyday

Tell my husband everyday that I love him

The last one is more important. Here's to changing my life for the better. 

"From the end spring new beginnings."

-Pliny the Elder

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Strange Dreams

I had a weird set of dreams...

Jack Nicholson was at our apartment and talking with my mom who was here for some reason and we were chatting. Then he left to get some deli food. It was crazy.

Another part of my dream. There were these aliens that bored into people's minds and controlled them as a hive mind. I didn't know what was going on. I knew that the guy who was at our house was a part of the aliens but really I have never seen him before (In real life). Then there was a black Rottweiler that appeared to me and tried to possess me but I was too strong for it and I wouldn't let it. Then my husband came in and saw that I was being attacked by nothing since he couldn't see the rottweiler but I could. I was trying so hard not to let the dog enter my body. I discovered by the way my husband was acting about the dog that something was wrong. After beating the dog back I realized that a darker power was at work to I asked for Satan to appear before me. When he showed up he was fat and messy. He had long grey hair and beard and he was smoking a cigarette  I asked him what was happening and confirmed  that my husband had become apart of the aliens. My husband sat on a bed and looked contented. I noticed that he had an X scar on his forehead. The other guy had a hole that looked fleshy and open in his brain as well as the X scar on the forehead. I didn't see the fleshy hole on my husband but I knew that it was there. It made me upset inside. Satan told me that I was chosen to become the egg carrier. Which means as soon as I had the alien inside me I would die after the egg process, whatever that was. I asked him if there was anyway that I could die less painfully and he said no. I asked to be euthanize and he said no. Since the aliens needed a warm human host and if I held the eggs and was then euthanized that could kill them. He told me that if I had just become possessed that I wouldn't have felt any pain. I was trying to figure out how to die or live when the alarm went off and I woke up.

Then I fell back asleep after my alarm and I was dreaming that I was trying to get somewhere and I  had a little scooter. I thought that it would be quicker to take a shortcut through a court hose/library. Turns out that it wasn't much of a shortcut. I got to the security check point and I asked the really tall, larger than life (he looked like a basketball player but taller, way taller) security guard how to leave and he pointed to the exit across the room, but I couldn't leave without purchasing something or checking out a book. A librarian took over and said if I bought some little juice box I could leave no problem. So I got out my wallet gave her a card that wasn't mine (it was my mom's for some reason but it didn't say my mom's name, it was a joke name) and I getting ready to scooter out of the building then I woke up.

Posted new designs!

I have some new designs that I have posted on zazzle.com and redbubble.com

There are available in men's, women's, and child sizes. 

Designs are at: Zazzle and Redbubble

Happy (Belated) New Year

I was reading some of my old posts and... wow... I was a pompous ass. Well, maybe not pompous but arrogant maybe? I don't know... 

In any case... yeah... 

I have had one hell of a year last year. I was depressed and going through some major anxiety issues relating to school. I dropped out of Ai. I quit my crappy job and my husband and I moved across the river to Vancouver, WA. I was depressed that my art career was/is (currently) going nowhere. I am currently just a unemployed artist who's husband's income pays for everything. All the while I didn't know who I was or what I really wanted to do with my life. 

I notice that I always do this... I always talk about my life this way. Spilling my guts out on the internet, hoping someone would comment or check on me. As if I was asking for attention. Since most of my life I have been in the background, even to myself. Like I was watching my life from the backseat with no one driving. Okay, maybe not that bad. 

But, I digress. 

Truth is I don't care who reads this or who responds or whatever. Really. I don't care what people think of me because I am who I am. I am a complex and unique human being. No one can define who I am. No one can tell me who or what I am. For a long time through out my childhood, people have been trying to figure me out. Find out what makes me tick. Trying to shape me in their images or put me into they're categorized boxes. The truth is, no one can do that to me. No one can change me.

With this knowledge finally sinking in, I feel better about my self than I ever have before. I am strong! I have started eating better and working out my body so that I be healthy again. I have started a health blog, I write in it everyday after every workout. I am feeling better about my self and I feel like my life has a purpose again. I want to start my freelancing art business again. I am drawing almost everyday. From the day that I realized that I can take control of my life by becoming healthy and living again... I feel like I can take on the world. 

I wrote a phrase that I have on my gtalk account for those who are able to chat with me: "Facing today's challenges with a smile on my face" because it's true. Life isn't all sunshine and roses all the time. But, it isn't constantly problematic and chaotic either and that was something that I feared. I feared life. I feared that everyday would be hell. The only way that everyday was going to be hell is because I believed that everyday WAS going to be hell. But if I just believed in myself, I could just walk in and out with a smile on my face. Sure I am not perfect but I don't have to be. Just taking it one day at a time and letting go of the past is what is really important. Not letting everything get to me. Sure things annoy me and always will but I don't have to hang on to them. What's done is done and tomorrow is a new day.  

Anyway, I am rambling a bit... but this is what I have been doing with myself. Fixing my life so that I can enjoy it. And if problems come up I will be facing them with a smile on my face. 

(BTW- Probably going to be posting some art up here pretty soon. As soon as I figure out how to get the art from my tablet into Photoshop on my laptop)

Plan of action

So after much discussion, my husband and I are going to move to California next year. I am dropping out of Ai (the Art Institute) and I am going to go to PCC to take some pre-req classes. I am going to start learning a language (most likely Spanish). I am going to take my knowledge test for my driver's license next week. Which makes me happy, I am FINALLY going to get my license! I am excited! After a year we are going to move to Cali and live there for a year and then hopefully I will get into Fullerton. Fullerton has a really awesome art department and the kind of school pace that I can learn and absorb knowledge instead of cramming it all in like how it is at Ai. I am sure that some people can learn like that but I can't. That was an expensive lesson to learn.
My husband just got a permanent position in his job which will teach him a lot and give really good job experience. The best part is that can will be able to take that job title anywhere. I know after all I have said and all the lessons that I have had to learn, I just feel like this is the right course of action. There is nothing for me here and I was fooling my self thinking that I could stay here and suffer through my education to learn things that I didn't want to learn. I am excited and for the first time in a while I feel really happy.