I am here to bring you a important service announcement.

It's a tarp!

that is all.

2009: The Year of Death

This has been an incredibly "grim" January.

Literally Grim.

Just after the new year began two people that I know and work with have had they're fathers pass on within days of each other. Both are having the struggles of dealing with they're passing. My co-worker is still in fact in his home; out of state with his family where they were taken by surprise at the sudden loss of a parent and husband.

And today at 2:10pm my own grandfather died. In his bed in a nursing home he slowly withered away until he passed on to the other side in his sleep. I didn't really have a very close relationship with my grandfather. He was not an easy man to get along with... let alone be around for long periods of time. He was a tired and bitter old man for reasons that I don't know.
In my early childhood I was scared of him. I was frightened of how he looked and his attitude towards me and my sister. I didn't know what to think or what to say to him. He was aggressive and kind of impatient which was also terrifying. But he doted on my sister and I during our birthday's and the holidays. As the years passed we saw less and less of him. He only came to some of the family functions dragging alone his girlfriend where we got to watch him mentally and emotionally abuse her.
Then finally the day came when we heard that he was diagnosed with liver cancer. And soon after he was put into the hospice center. These past few months were the worst. Not just for him but for my aunt who gave up a lot of her free time to be with him. He held on for a long time. So long in fact that his body was rotting from the inside out. Not to sound insensitive or anything but I am glad that he finally let go. He was barely alive as it was. His skin was falling off. Truly a nasty sight... I was not one of the ones to see my grandfather in those last painful moments.
Death comes to us all. And life is full of meetings and partings.

I hope that he will be happier where ever he is.

Goodnight grandfather. Rest well.

I can't believe that it is almost Christmas!

This past few months feel very surreal to me for some reason... I am not sure why. But sometimes I feel as though I am in a dream... but a dream that I am happy to not wake up from. My life feels like it is finally in place where I can adjust my self around my working and my social life. It is kind of nice (if not sometimes inconvenient but that can't be helped) that my current friends have jobs. That kind of responsibility that each of us take a part of is really helps us relate to each other. And gives a stability to each of our lives. What sucks is that we work minimum wage and slave away everyday. But the way I see it is that we slave each day to get one step closer to what we really want to do. Chipping away to get to our major goal. Which is; for me, to be a character animator. I know that I will make it there someday.

I have always been a late bloomer with such things. Which can sometimes be a bad thing but I know that someday in my future that I will make it there. I know that the road will be hard. I know how hard it is to make it in this world. But I feel like I have gotten several keys that will help me get ahead of the game. Which is just the same advice that I have heard all my life but it is this advice that has worked! And the reason it is so often repeated is because it works. I understand what needs to be done.

It's just the doing that needs to be executed. I have thought of alternatives. Such as doing some freelance Illustrations on the side until I get noticed as a animator. But I have a little ways to go until that happens.

But I do have some priorities and the first of those is:

Getting my driver's License! that is a must. I am sick of not being able to drive. It is driving me crazy not being able to drive (yes... I know it is a bad pun. But it is true!) I want to get it BEFORE the summer. So that I can drive up to PAX this year. I might not have my own car by then but at least I will be able to trade off with someone. And I have driven up that way before. So I have PLENTY of time to do that. I just need some more practice and get it done. I guess I am going to call it a New Year's Resolution and make it official.

Wow... did I get off on a tangent...

Well anyway. I just wanted to say that I feel as though my life is finally headed in the right direction and I am excited about it. I am starting to make something of myself even though it has taken me forever to get this far. But I feel like I am going to make it.

So I want to say Happy Holidays to everyone!

Have a Merry Christmas.

(Also I recommend reading Charles Dickens Christmas Carol. It is an awesome story! I have been reading a chapter a night before I go to bed. I forgot how good of a writer that Dicken's is. He is awesome! Anyway have a Happy Holiday!)

So I had a good Thanksgiving. It was my first Thanksgiving hosting the event. It went over very well. The turkey came out absolutely perfect... I mean it looked like a Betty Crocker turkey and it tasted absolutely wonderful. The meat was so moist and tender. There really wasn't much to save because it went so quickly. It was really nice to have my family over.

In light of recent events I am glad that about the way things turned out.

I am sleepy. Goodnight.

Fuck it's Midnight!

I am up waaaaayyyy too late! I am going to be soooo tired tomorrow.

But I just wanted to say this...

I have been stupid. But as we all know... it only takes trial and error to figure these things out. There are certain people that I have let go... not intentionally but certain influences have made this to be the outcome. And I feel bad for that. I didn't want that to happen. But I am going to fix it. I am planning on rectifying my mistakes and I am going to make the effort to be a better friend to those that I have turned my back on.

And I know that sometimes that life happens and that sometimes people loose touch with each other. But I feel as though that this has happened because I have been unintentionally ignoring some people that I really care about.

I know that saying I am sorry here isn't going to change anything. But I am going to make it known that I am going to try my fucking hardest to be a better friend.

So... yeah...

I just had to say that. I know that I wasn't direct. But this is just a journal point in my life. I know what needs to be done. I am just preserving the moment here. Immortalizing it on the internet. (as immortal as the internet can be at this point).

Also on another note

There is something that needs to be dug back up.

But I am honestly not sure of what the reaction will be... and I don't know if I am quite ready for that yet but I do know that it is coming. I am just hoping that the feeling is mutual and is not going to blow up in my face and retaliate.

So... be ready... because that day is coming.

So... the two afternoon co-workers of mine quit. So... me and another co-worker have to cover for them. I am pissed off. I mean they are great people and I know that they wanted to quit for a while... but... the timing SUCKS!

A few days earlier I asked my boss to move me to another store. One that I have been trying to get at since I came back to Portland. Since I am familiar and comfortable there. I am not sure if them quitting screws my chance going there or not. I don't think so but you never know with my boss. But one thing is certain and that is I am not sure what is going to happen. I don't know who is going to stay for the afternoons next week. I know that one of my co-workers could do it... but there needs to be someone else there too... that might be me... and working five days of 12 hour shifts is going to suck major ass and I will be cranky by Wednesday. I am sure that my boss can find some one to fill in... I am training someone next week for my shift. But it looks like I am going to have to be downtown a little longer. Which I actually expected to be there for a little while longer. But still... god damn it.

Nice timing guys... Nice fucking timing!

So the cops came to the apartment building AGAIN! To deal with some white trash bullshit... I swear I was living back in my old place where you would think that there would be this kind of crap all the time but I had less trouble there. Go figure.

This is like the third time this month that the cops have shown up.

There might be a risk of me having to look for a new place to live because the owners might get tired of all the bullshit and just give us all thirty days to get out.

yesh...