Mary
By Oingo Boingo
Oh mary wasn't happy with the life that she led
She was a simple girl without much to say
So one day she just upped and left her dreary home
And she left all her friends behind to wander all alone
And at first she was afraid, she was so far away
From her home but slowly she got to like it anyway
Oh mary won't you please come...
Well in time she found that
The mountain that she had been taught
Her whole life, that she must avoid
And though at first it hurt, and no one could comfort her
She finally came to appreciate it
And she liked it, she liked it - oh wasn't she surprised
And though still alone, she grew so much inside
Oh mary won't you please come...
And after a time, she became so sublime
She could look in peoples eyes and read their minds
Though her hands would sometimes bleed and occasionally
She would long for her past and the memories they bring
She decided to return to her old home town
And her heart was burning with all the things she found
Oh mary won't you please come...
So, mary came back and at first no one recognized her face
And her friends were all a little bit afraid
When they heard what she had to say
They all slowly backed away
And her family took her aside and put their arms around her
They said mary won't you please come back to us now
There is still time to repent for all your sins
And mary started to cry when she realized
That she'd never come home again in her life
Oh mary won't you please come
Mary won't you please come home...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Oh great... depression is kicking in...
So I realized today that I am wasting my time staying here for five months... I want to come home and prepare my self to go to college in the fall. This time I know how much it is going to cost me ^_- and I know what is in store for me this time round.
Right now I feel like I am just putting off my dream for another FIVE MONTHS and I am tired of it. I want to do what I want to do and I am sick of dicking around trying to see if it will magically happen. It won't ever do that, ever. I have to make this happen for myself. So that is exactly what I am going to do. I want to try and come home next month. In order to do that however I have to talk to my roommate about finding someone to take over the lease. I haven't done that yet because... well... she's not home and I am also worried what she might say. I know that she has had some extreme bad luck with roommates in the past and I don't want to be classified as one of them. Then again... that would be her problem then wouldn't it?
I REALLY DON'T want to screw her out of the rent and I don't want to be evicted. But I want to try to leave as soon as I can. That is why I am thinking about what to do next...
I am getting depressed by staying here. I know it seems like I've done a complete emotional 360 since I was feeling depressed and boxed in back home but I realize now that what I've wanted was right there the whole time.
I wish with all my heart to go home.
I can get my license there and live in a place of my own and save money for a car. I can work off my student loans (which will be mostly covered by the financial aid I will be getting) I don't care if PSU's art department sucks (I do hope the animation department is good though) But if I come home I can take the SAT with out worrying whether or not I would be able arrange to come home to take it and be able to submit the test scores in time for the fall term. Plus I know the area. I can take the bus ANYWHERE! unlike here... but I've been over that already.
I also miss my family, my friends. I hate being far away and NOT living my dreams. It just sucks. And plus this whole thing has been a mess since the very beginning.
Surprisingly though my dad is helping me fix the issue. He has talked me back to down earth and we worked out a plan of action. I just need to act on it.
I have accepted that I have fucked up. I made a huge mistake coming down here. But at the same time... I don't think I would have discovered what I wanted and plus I learned that the school of my dreams wasn't all the it was cracked up to be and I guess that was the important lesson. I guess I like to learn the hard way by experiencing first hand and making my mistakes and learning how to fix them. That is what makes us who we are. By fucking up a lot and learning from what we've done and moving on. Now I just need to do the moving on part...
I am going to talk to her tomorrow. I have to do this... because the sooner this happens the better. I don't really care how it sounds I just want her to know that I am not trying to escape from the lease and I want to find someone else to take my place. It's the only shot I've got to coming home.
I do feel a little bad for my new employers though... I am leaving like not even a month after I get hired... Oh well... that is one less reference that I won't have to put down on my resume. But first I need to find another roommate.
I do know that for me the sooner I leave Laguna Beach the better. This was a nice adventure/ vacation but I think now it is time to return home.
Right now I feel like I am just putting off my dream for another FIVE MONTHS and I am tired of it. I want to do what I want to do and I am sick of dicking around trying to see if it will magically happen. It won't ever do that, ever. I have to make this happen for myself. So that is exactly what I am going to do. I want to try and come home next month. In order to do that however I have to talk to my roommate about finding someone to take over the lease. I haven't done that yet because... well... she's not home and I am also worried what she might say. I know that she has had some extreme bad luck with roommates in the past and I don't want to be classified as one of them. Then again... that would be her problem then wouldn't it?
I REALLY DON'T want to screw her out of the rent and I don't want to be evicted. But I want to try to leave as soon as I can. That is why I am thinking about what to do next...
I am getting depressed by staying here. I know it seems like I've done a complete emotional 360 since I was feeling depressed and boxed in back home but I realize now that what I've wanted was right there the whole time.
I wish with all my heart to go home.
I can get my license there and live in a place of my own and save money for a car. I can work off my student loans (which will be mostly covered by the financial aid I will be getting) I don't care if PSU's art department sucks (I do hope the animation department is good though) But if I come home I can take the SAT with out worrying whether or not I would be able arrange to come home to take it and be able to submit the test scores in time for the fall term. Plus I know the area. I can take the bus ANYWHERE! unlike here... but I've been over that already.
I also miss my family, my friends. I hate being far away and NOT living my dreams. It just sucks. And plus this whole thing has been a mess since the very beginning.
Surprisingly though my dad is helping me fix the issue. He has talked me back to down earth and we worked out a plan of action. I just need to act on it.
I have accepted that I have fucked up. I made a huge mistake coming down here. But at the same time... I don't think I would have discovered what I wanted and plus I learned that the school of my dreams wasn't all the it was cracked up to be and I guess that was the important lesson. I guess I like to learn the hard way by experiencing first hand and making my mistakes and learning how to fix them. That is what makes us who we are. By fucking up a lot and learning from what we've done and moving on. Now I just need to do the moving on part...
I am going to talk to her tomorrow. I have to do this... because the sooner this happens the better. I don't really care how it sounds I just want her to know that I am not trying to escape from the lease and I want to find someone else to take my place. It's the only shot I've got to coming home.
I do feel a little bad for my new employers though... I am leaving like not even a month after I get hired... Oh well... that is one less reference that I won't have to put down on my resume. But first I need to find another roommate.
I do know that for me the sooner I leave Laguna Beach the better. This was a nice adventure/ vacation but I think now it is time to return home.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Local News in Laguna Beach.
This has been my adventure for the day. I can't wait to start working because I am so bored just staying at home brooding how I am going to pay the rent. Which half of it will be late... It's the best I could do really.
I got that job at the coffee shop. I pretty much had it in my hand the whole time. I mean that whole thing was like magic. Here's the story:
I was standing sort of near the coffee shop talking to my step dad about putting him as a reference on my Taco Bell application and I wanted to warn him before they called him so that he wouldn't be caught off guard. I didn't think they WERE going to call him but I just wanted to play it safe.
Then I saw a woman in the window of the coffee house trying to find a place for the "Help Wanted" sign. I told my step dad that I had to go and I hung up the phone. I walked in and asked if they were hiring. They lady who was still trying to find a place for the sign said "Yes!" and was impressed that I had a resume and was even MORE impressed of all the underpaid experience that I had (thank you Mike). She told me that she was going to give me a call the next day when she talked to the owner about me. But she sounded intent on hiring me. Which was reassuring and so I left with hope in my heart. (When I left I don't think that she put that help wanted sign up after all ^__^).
The next day... I was waiting around for a phone call when my mother called me instead and told me to call them to see what my status was and to see if they talked to the owner yet. So around noon-thirty I actually did what my mother told me. I gave them a ring and told them who I was and said I was following up on yesterday. I ended up talking to the lady I handed my resume to and she told me that she would call me back in about 20-30 minutes. She sounded like this was a definite thing and she was going to make sure that I was hired.
I waited for about fifteen minutes and my phone rang. I was hired and I am to start Tuesday and she told me to be somewhat casual with my appearance. I was so happy. I almost jumped for joy but I remembered the neighbors down below.
I called almost everybody and told them the good news.
I hope I am full time. I really do. I don't know what they want to work me at... I mean I should have asked but I thought I made it clear that I was available all week so that I could get some major hours going.
Now all that is left to do is let my roommate's mom know that I am going to be slightly late on the rent this month because I just got a job. I am pretty sure that I can pay at LEAST half of the rent and the rest will have to come when I get my first pay check. My mom is going to try and help me a little bit. Which is really nice of her to do. I didn't ask for her help but she feels bad that I just got work and she wants to try and help me out. She's sorry that it couldn't be more. I am just glad that she is able to help me out. I just hope that my roommate's mom understands and won't be pissed. At least I am paying HALF of it. So it's not like I am going to owe her two months of rent in February. It will be like one and a half by the time the month is over... But I am working now so it should be okay. I knew that this coming month was going to be tight... I am probably going to be sending her a little money until I get my paycheck just as a reassurance that I am paying it off.
But besides all those money issues that I have been having. I have posted something that I wrote earlier today on my other journal.
I love my MacBook Pro except for the little problem of it restarting it's self...
I went online to find other people who have the same problem since online forms have really been a great resource to find out how people have fixed the same problems that I have. It's kind of comforting to not be the ONLY one with the same issues... But when I went on my search I saw that NO ONE had their computers fixed. And it is mostly the MacBooks that have the problem.
I don't think Apple knows how to fix the problem. They have been telling people that they need the Apple Protection Plan or to hold down various keys when it reboots or telling them all sorts of shit that doesn't seem to be helping. I don't think apple knows what is causing the restart problem. I even went on the Apple FORMS and saw that TONS of people had the restart trouble. There isn't a technician responding to the posts telling them how to fix it either.
I think this is a bug that Apple can't figure out how to fix. Which sucks for the people who spent the thousands of dollars to buy one. This is one of those underground problems that they defiantly DON'T advertise. Not all of the computers have the problem. So it is like one in a freak chance that you don’t get the one that doesn’t restart by it’s self.
For me it doesn’t actually bother me that much. It is kind of annoying. I just feel bad for the people that have saved up the money to buy what they believe to be a good product since that is how it is advertised only to spend MORE money on a “Protection Plan” or much needed software updates that are allegedly causing the restarts.
So I guess I just wanted to warn you all who are thinking about a MacBook. Essentially it is a good product. But personally I would look at getting a Mac desktop rather than the MacBook. Since there seem to be less issues. Although I can’t say for sure. What I would do (which is what I am going to do from now on) is I am going to research on the internet the products I am going to buy BEFORE I buy them…
Luckily for me I didn’t buy this computer. :P
All of this is just the first couple steps to getting to where I want to be in my life. As it turns out I really want to come home. The saying "Sometimes one must travel far to discover what is near" came to my mind when I found out that everything that I wanted to learn (college wise) was at home the whole time. So these coming five months are going to be just earning my living and saving some money for school. Which I know won't be much but when I come back I have a better idea of where I am going to look for work.
Also... I am going to get my license when I am down here. My uncle is going to take me parallel parking either next weekend or the weekend after and since I arranged to have weekends off I will be sure to take him up on that chance. Then I can take my test and have my licence. Then when I come back to Portland I will have it and then I will buy a car!
I think that this is just a rough patch in the road. I get the feeling that it will all turn out alright in the end. I just need to get through this month and then after that I know that everything will be alright. I just know it.
I got that job at the coffee shop. I pretty much had it in my hand the whole time. I mean that whole thing was like magic. Here's the story:
I was standing sort of near the coffee shop talking to my step dad about putting him as a reference on my Taco Bell application and I wanted to warn him before they called him so that he wouldn't be caught off guard. I didn't think they WERE going to call him but I just wanted to play it safe.
Then I saw a woman in the window of the coffee house trying to find a place for the "Help Wanted" sign. I told my step dad that I had to go and I hung up the phone. I walked in and asked if they were hiring. They lady who was still trying to find a place for the sign said "Yes!" and was impressed that I had a resume and was even MORE impressed of all the underpaid experience that I had (thank you Mike). She told me that she was going to give me a call the next day when she talked to the owner about me. But she sounded intent on hiring me. Which was reassuring and so I left with hope in my heart. (When I left I don't think that she put that help wanted sign up after all ^__^).
The next day... I was waiting around for a phone call when my mother called me instead and told me to call them to see what my status was and to see if they talked to the owner yet. So around noon-thirty I actually did what my mother told me. I gave them a ring and told them who I was and said I was following up on yesterday. I ended up talking to the lady I handed my resume to and she told me that she would call me back in about 20-30 minutes. She sounded like this was a definite thing and she was going to make sure that I was hired.
I waited for about fifteen minutes and my phone rang. I was hired and I am to start Tuesday and she told me to be somewhat casual with my appearance. I was so happy. I almost jumped for joy but I remembered the neighbors down below.
I called almost everybody and told them the good news.
I hope I am full time. I really do. I don't know what they want to work me at... I mean I should have asked but I thought I made it clear that I was available all week so that I could get some major hours going.
Now all that is left to do is let my roommate's mom know that I am going to be slightly late on the rent this month because I just got a job. I am pretty sure that I can pay at LEAST half of the rent and the rest will have to come when I get my first pay check. My mom is going to try and help me a little bit. Which is really nice of her to do. I didn't ask for her help but she feels bad that I just got work and she wants to try and help me out. She's sorry that it couldn't be more. I am just glad that she is able to help me out. I just hope that my roommate's mom understands and won't be pissed. At least I am paying HALF of it. So it's not like I am going to owe her two months of rent in February. It will be like one and a half by the time the month is over... But I am working now so it should be okay. I knew that this coming month was going to be tight... I am probably going to be sending her a little money until I get my paycheck just as a reassurance that I am paying it off.
But besides all those money issues that I have been having. I have posted something that I wrote earlier today on my other journal.
I love my MacBook Pro except for the little problem of it restarting it's self...
I went online to find other people who have the same problem since online forms have really been a great resource to find out how people have fixed the same problems that I have. It's kind of comforting to not be the ONLY one with the same issues... But when I went on my search I saw that NO ONE had their computers fixed. And it is mostly the MacBooks that have the problem.
I don't think Apple knows how to fix the problem. They have been telling people that they need the Apple Protection Plan or to hold down various keys when it reboots or telling them all sorts of shit that doesn't seem to be helping. I don't think apple knows what is causing the restart problem. I even went on the Apple FORMS and saw that TONS of people had the restart trouble. There isn't a technician responding to the posts telling them how to fix it either.
I think this is a bug that Apple can't figure out how to fix. Which sucks for the people who spent the thousands of dollars to buy one. This is one of those underground problems that they defiantly DON'T advertise. Not all of the computers have the problem. So it is like one in a freak chance that you don’t get the one that doesn’t restart by it’s self.
For me it doesn’t actually bother me that much. It is kind of annoying. I just feel bad for the people that have saved up the money to buy what they believe to be a good product since that is how it is advertised only to spend MORE money on a “Protection Plan” or much needed software updates that are allegedly causing the restarts.
So I guess I just wanted to warn you all who are thinking about a MacBook. Essentially it is a good product. But personally I would look at getting a Mac desktop rather than the MacBook. Since there seem to be less issues. Although I can’t say for sure. What I would do (which is what I am going to do from now on) is I am going to research on the internet the products I am going to buy BEFORE I buy them…
Luckily for me I didn’t buy this computer. :P
All of this is just the first couple steps to getting to where I want to be in my life. As it turns out I really want to come home. The saying "Sometimes one must travel far to discover what is near" came to my mind when I found out that everything that I wanted to learn (college wise) was at home the whole time. So these coming five months are going to be just earning my living and saving some money for school. Which I know won't be much but when I come back I have a better idea of where I am going to look for work.
Also... I am going to get my license when I am down here. My uncle is going to take me parallel parking either next weekend or the weekend after and since I arranged to have weekends off I will be sure to take him up on that chance. Then I can take my test and have my licence. Then when I come back to Portland I will have it and then I will buy a car!
I think that this is just a rough patch in the road. I get the feeling that it will all turn out alright in the end. I just need to get through this month and then after that I know that everything will be alright. I just know it.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Okay
I finally know what I am doing. Which is good because as you all well know I wasn't sure there for a while.
I have decided to go to PSU! They actually have animation there! Which is awesome! and that means I don't have to leave my hometown for school! and also it is going to be WAAAAYYY cheap because financial aid is going to be mostly covered and since I am an Oregon resident it won't cost so much to go to school! I am going to be applying for the fall term. YAY!
But in other news... I MIGHT have a job at a coffee shop here in Laguna Beach. I am just waiting for a phone call tomorrow... I have been talking about it all day.. I think I will tell that story another time. but cross your fingers and prey to whomever so that I get the job! Because it is perfect! and I am qualified!
I finally know what I am doing. Which is good because as you all well know I wasn't sure there for a while.
I have decided to go to PSU! They actually have animation there! Which is awesome! and that means I don't have to leave my hometown for school! and also it is going to be WAAAAYYY cheap because financial aid is going to be mostly covered and since I am an Oregon resident it won't cost so much to go to school! I am going to be applying for the fall term. YAY!
But in other news... I MIGHT have a job at a coffee shop here in Laguna Beach. I am just waiting for a phone call tomorrow... I have been talking about it all day.. I think I will tell that story another time. but cross your fingers and prey to whomever so that I get the job! Because it is perfect! and I am qualified!
Aquagen feat. Rozalla - Everybody's free (original video)
Okay this is so awesome. I had to post it.
I heard this song on the Venture Brothers and I was wondering who done it so I went on a search and I stumbled upon this music video. I found one with better quality but it wouldn't let me post it. I think it is awesome!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
So after MORE thinking since that is what I do... I mull over my thoughts like...
heh...
I'm not sure.
But I give them much thought. In my mulling.
Anyway.
I know what I am doing... finally.
I am coming back home to Portland.
In either a month or five months from now. It all depends on if I find a job within the next two weeks or not.
Yes.
I am actually getting excited about going back home. I feel like I needed to sort of get away for a while. and I did just that... I went away and now I want to come back. The best part about all this is that when I come back I can stay at my mom's house until I get back on my feet. Which means that I am not going to have to share a room with my sister again. That was okay except for the fact that it was really cramped. And siblings sharing a space and being civil with each other can't last long.
I am really happy about this. I am coming home and I am going to be either going back to school at PCC or PSU or saving up for the study abroad program. I am also going to be working on getting a car. Because I am so sick of this public transportation thing. I want to go where I want when I want and not have to rely on others.
I might also be able to get my old job back. I will have to see though. The minimum wage down here is more than it is in Oregon. Which kind of sucks. But at least it is moving up... I guess.
My thoughts are all jumbled since I am so excited. I don't know how to be unexcited.
Also... I really want to go to PAX this year again! and maybe I'll bring my sister. But this time I will be 21 which means I can go to hotel room parties.
If I stay down here for the five months I am going to try and get my license here (because I know where it is super easy to take the test) that way I can just get my license updated to an Oregon one and then I can get a car. It is genius! Because then I would beat the system!
That is IF I stay here. I kind of don't want to. I do want to come home. But I can't really do that right now. So I guess I am stuck here. I haven't talked to my parents about this. But I am supposed to be job hunting right now. I really should go and do that. I guess I am going to be stuck here for a while. Oh well.
heh...
I'm not sure.
But I give them much thought. In my mulling.
Anyway.
I know what I am doing... finally.
I am coming back home to Portland.
In either a month or five months from now. It all depends on if I find a job within the next two weeks or not.
Yes.
I am actually getting excited about going back home. I feel like I needed to sort of get away for a while. and I did just that... I went away and now I want to come back. The best part about all this is that when I come back I can stay at my mom's house until I get back on my feet. Which means that I am not going to have to share a room with my sister again. That was okay except for the fact that it was really cramped. And siblings sharing a space and being civil with each other can't last long.
I am really happy about this. I am coming home and I am going to be either going back to school at PCC or PSU or saving up for the study abroad program. I am also going to be working on getting a car. Because I am so sick of this public transportation thing. I want to go where I want when I want and not have to rely on others.
I might also be able to get my old job back. I will have to see though. The minimum wage down here is more than it is in Oregon. Which kind of sucks. But at least it is moving up... I guess.
My thoughts are all jumbled since I am so excited. I don't know how to be unexcited.
Also... I really want to go to PAX this year again! and maybe I'll bring my sister. But this time I will be 21 which means I can go to hotel room parties.
If I stay down here for the five months I am going to try and get my license here (because I know where it is super easy to take the test) that way I can just get my license updated to an Oregon one and then I can get a car. It is genius! Because then I would beat the system!
That is IF I stay here. I kind of don't want to. I do want to come home. But I can't really do that right now. So I guess I am stuck here. I haven't talked to my parents about this. But I am supposed to be job hunting right now. I really should go and do that. I guess I am going to be stuck here for a while. Oh well.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
After much thinking... I've realized how stupid this whole thing is.
With no planning involved I forced my self to leave the safety and comfort of my own home. I wanted to get away. Being stuck in one place not going to school as a 20 year old who thinks that her life is going no where would make anyone want to leave the Po-dunk town of Portland. It was too small for me. I almost knew everyone that walked down the street. Just once I would like to be around complete strangers for a while. So I made that vision a reality. I applied to the most expensive art school in the state of California. Of course I didn't realize that it was the most expensive I was just looking at their glorified curriculum and the small class sizes with one on one assistance.
So I was ready to leave and attend this school of awesome learning stuff. What I should have done was demand to see a cost of attendance price list. Because there wasn't one on the website. But no... instead I wanted to leave this piss filled house and the trashy room that I was sharing with my sister. That is what I did.
I left.
And I came to California with very little money and my heart full of hope. I was accepted into one of the best schools for their animation program and that is what I wanted to do. I wanted to endure and become an awesome 3D character animator. I was so set on this dream of mine. Little did I know that my financial aid and my housing situation which I THOUGHT I had under control but they both had their problems... I almost didn't have a place to live for a while. And I ended up dropping out of LCAD anyway because my mother couldn't take out the loan. (My financial adviser at the school couldn't get that through to his head... which was really annoying).
So during these mishaps I began to come to the realization that this whole thing was a dump truck of bad planning all landing on me at once.
Now I am unemployed, I dropped out of school and I signed a five month lease. I need to find work so that I can make rent. Which has been annoyingly difficult. Not many places are hiring in this small town. I am seriously wondering why I wanted to come here so bad... I mean it is smaller than Portland by... well... A LOT! So I am stuck here in this horrible place trying to figure out how to make ends meat. I wish I could break the lease... but I don't want to do that to my roommate and that would screw me over.
Times are hard. I may have to commute to get to work which I kind of have to do anyway. But this is a HUGE commute. In Portland taking the bus was a slight inconvenience but it was doable You could get from point A to point B with no trouble at all. In California however.... they make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get from point A to point C. They really push the driving thing. So I couldn't really walk down the street to go to school or whatever... I mean I could... but that is super dangerous in this area. I need a car.
What also sucks is that I don't have a license to drive on yet god dammit.
Luckily I have people how love me and want to help me out as much as they can while I am out on my own. But I feel retarded because of this whole thing. I am nearly out of money, I have no steady work, and I don't have anything to focus my free time.
So after all this I realize that I didn't think this through. My parents aren't going to help me much longer but they have informed me many times that this whole thing could have been avoided if I just planned better.
They were right. I was being stupid and desperate. So now... I am stuck here for five months and it sucks. So mom, dad? you were right. and I am going to call and tell you so. As soon as I get money on my phone. I am going to go cash those checks and do some shopping maybe. I do have that crappy dish washing job today. That will give me a little more cash.
After this whole thing I kind of want to go home to give up on this whole thing and be somewhere where I feel comfortable and safe. But I know that would just make things worse but... I would feel better.
That won't happen though. I am going to make sure of that.
With no planning involved I forced my self to leave the safety and comfort of my own home. I wanted to get away. Being stuck in one place not going to school as a 20 year old who thinks that her life is going no where would make anyone want to leave the Po-dunk town of Portland. It was too small for me. I almost knew everyone that walked down the street. Just once I would like to be around complete strangers for a while. So I made that vision a reality. I applied to the most expensive art school in the state of California. Of course I didn't realize that it was the most expensive I was just looking at their glorified curriculum and the small class sizes with one on one assistance.
So I was ready to leave and attend this school of awesome learning stuff. What I should have done was demand to see a cost of attendance price list. Because there wasn't one on the website. But no... instead I wanted to leave this piss filled house and the trashy room that I was sharing with my sister. That is what I did.
I left.
And I came to California with very little money and my heart full of hope. I was accepted into one of the best schools for their animation program and that is what I wanted to do. I wanted to endure and become an awesome 3D character animator. I was so set on this dream of mine. Little did I know that my financial aid and my housing situation which I THOUGHT I had under control but they both had their problems... I almost didn't have a place to live for a while. And I ended up dropping out of LCAD anyway because my mother couldn't take out the loan. (My financial adviser at the school couldn't get that through to his head... which was really annoying).
So during these mishaps I began to come to the realization that this whole thing was a dump truck of bad planning all landing on me at once.
Now I am unemployed, I dropped out of school and I signed a five month lease. I need to find work so that I can make rent. Which has been annoyingly difficult. Not many places are hiring in this small town. I am seriously wondering why I wanted to come here so bad... I mean it is smaller than Portland by... well... A LOT! So I am stuck here in this horrible place trying to figure out how to make ends meat. I wish I could break the lease... but I don't want to do that to my roommate and that would screw me over.
Times are hard. I may have to commute to get to work which I kind of have to do anyway. But this is a HUGE commute. In Portland taking the bus was a slight inconvenience but it was doable You could get from point A to point B with no trouble at all. In California however.... they make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get from point A to point C. They really push the driving thing. So I couldn't really walk down the street to go to school or whatever... I mean I could... but that is super dangerous in this area. I need a car.
What also sucks is that I don't have a license to drive on yet god dammit.
Luckily I have people how love me and want to help me out as much as they can while I am out on my own. But I feel retarded because of this whole thing. I am nearly out of money, I have no steady work, and I don't have anything to focus my free time.
So after all this I realize that I didn't think this through. My parents aren't going to help me much longer but they have informed me many times that this whole thing could have been avoided if I just planned better.
They were right. I was being stupid and desperate. So now... I am stuck here for five months and it sucks. So mom, dad? you were right. and I am going to call and tell you so. As soon as I get money on my phone. I am going to go cash those checks and do some shopping maybe. I do have that crappy dish washing job today. That will give me a little more cash.
After this whole thing I kind of want to go home to give up on this whole thing and be somewhere where I feel comfortable and safe. But I know that would just make things worse but... I would feel better.
That won't happen though. I am going to make sure of that.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I was very brave today.
I dropped out of school and I told my roommate about it and about my other job that I have an interview for. I got my mail and my bank card. Which is awesome.
My roommate was really cool about it. She was very sympathetic about me not being able to go when I told her that I had to drop out she felt bad for me. I feel A LOT better. So now I am going to downtown to do some errands.
I dropped out of school and I told my roommate about it and about my other job that I have an interview for. I got my mail and my bank card. Which is awesome.
My roommate was really cool about it. She was very sympathetic about me not being able to go when I told her that I had to drop out she felt bad for me. I feel A LOT better. So now I am going to downtown to do some errands.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Okay... what's plan D?
Okay...
So things have changed drastically in the past couple days.
Chapter One.
I went to school and I found that it WAS A LOT like my high school and that was disappointing to me. The teachers were very unorganized. Because when I went to my first class and found out that I was supposed to get a syllabus when I signed up for the class. But I didn't. So I came to class with NO supplies or materials. Luckily for me, I guess, I wasn't the only one who was uninformed. There obviously was some communication error with the registrar and the teachers or something.
I also found out that my school cost a lot of money. Money that I wouldn't be able to pay back until I was at least 90 years old. Plus the amount that it turned out to be was so much and that wasn't per year. It was per SEMESTER! So I was kind of in shock on how much the school really costed. What I realized though was that there wasn't ANY cost of attendance information on the website... AT ALL. When I was looking up the school I thought that was odd but I think I know why now. They wanted people to attend so bad that they didn't want to put a price up because it would frighten people away with how much it costed. They also changed their requirements for acceptance right before I sent my portfolio. Which was also odd to me and now I know why. I think the school is dying. So they need as much money as they could get to keep it running.
Personally... I don't want to pay a large sum of money to go back to my high school. That just seems silly to me. It's kind of too bad because I really like the curriculum. Especially for animation. I really like how it was structured. I also LOVE one on one teaching. Because that really helps me out with the extra focused attention. Oh well.
Another thing... the school is really small. Like REALLY REALLY small. If you put both campuses together (they split up the campuses since there wasn't enough room on the main campus) that would make about HALF of my high school. I'm serious. It's that small.
And so after all that shit I went through to get in and the financial aid troubles I am dropping out. After tomorrow I will no longer be a student of LCAD.
Chapter two
My apartment is small. It is a one bedroom which is okay I guess. I can live with that but what sucks about it is that there are a lot of problems with it. Like the smoke detector... it likes to beep every once in a while. We got the battery fixed in one of them but the other one beeped for a little while today. Which was confusing.
The stove likes to move around a little bit. Like if you open the oven door it will move forward. The balcony doesn't have a gutter so all the leaves from the trees gets blown on the balcony and just sits there.
The kitchen sink's water doesn't get very hot right away unless you crank it over and then it's too hot so it can't cool down. The dishwasher can't wash dishes... so it just steams them. There are occasionally ants; not in the kitchen thankfully. The worst part about this whole thing is that I signed the fucking lease. So I am stuck here for five months.
I also feel trapped because public transportation comes like every 30-40 minutes. Which sucks. So I haven't left the house much since I've been here. I have also been skipping class. I am going to be dropping out anyway so there isn't really much point in going. I haven't figured out how I am going to get enough money to be able to motor around. So I have been putting off looking for other work until tomorrow because I am conserving my cash. That way I'll be able to do all my errands in one fell swoop. Unfortunately the apartment is so far up the road that one can't really walk down it because there isn't a sidewalk since the road is so narrow.
The complex it's self is HUGE. It reminds me of my friend's apartment building with how large it is. There are TWO POOLS! A basketball court and a volleyball court, a common room and several laundry rooms. It's crazy. I think it's too big for them to handle and the people in the loan office are very... weird... with how they deal with things I suppose. They were just odd when I was there. Californians... *sigh*
I really like my roommate though. I believe I have stated this before but I really do enjoy her company. There are some things that I haven't told her... Like signing the lease... because she needs to sign it too otherwise I can't get the mail keys and common room keys. I don't know why that is so hard to mention that I signed it and I know that she'll be okay with going up there to put her name down on paper. Because she has done it before. I just feel bad. Because the shit storm is about to begin.
Chapter three
I am going to stay here in Laguna Beach for five months however. Since I have that fucking lease (and it ends in may) and that is the only noose around my neck at this point. I do have a job interview at a grocery store on Saturday which I am going to tell them that I am going to be working full time instead of part time. And if I start at 8.00 an hour that will help me pay the rent and the bills.
I haven't told my roommate that I am getting another job because she got me a job at the Laguna Culinary school as a dishwasher... But I can't do that job because it's a "don't call us, we'll call you" type of job. For the amount of rent that I need to be making that is not stable work. So at the moment I am trying to have all my bases covered. I want to tell her about the other job when I for sure have it. But I need to tell her about the lease thing either today or tomorrow so that I can get my bank card. I don't know how long it's sat there in that mail box and I don't know what else I have awaiting me in there.
Chapter Four
So after the five months are up I am going to be moving my shit elsewhere. I am looking at going to Santa Monica Community College just so until I can establish residency. Then from there I can go to a four year school like Fullerton or something. Then it wouldn't cost so much money.
But besides that my uncle is going to finish teaching me how to drive some weekend. So that I can get my license. My roommate told me where the easiest place to take the test is. I am definitely going to go there and ace the test.
So after much thinking the plan is:
Thank you.
So things have changed drastically in the past couple days.
Chapter One.
I went to school and I found that it WAS A LOT like my high school and that was disappointing to me. The teachers were very unorganized. Because when I went to my first class and found out that I was supposed to get a syllabus when I signed up for the class. But I didn't. So I came to class with NO supplies or materials. Luckily for me, I guess, I wasn't the only one who was uninformed. There obviously was some communication error with the registrar and the teachers or something.
I also found out that my school cost a lot of money. Money that I wouldn't be able to pay back until I was at least 90 years old. Plus the amount that it turned out to be was so much and that wasn't per year. It was per SEMESTER! So I was kind of in shock on how much the school really costed. What I realized though was that there wasn't ANY cost of attendance information on the website... AT ALL. When I was looking up the school I thought that was odd but I think I know why now. They wanted people to attend so bad that they didn't want to put a price up because it would frighten people away with how much it costed. They also changed their requirements for acceptance right before I sent my portfolio. Which was also odd to me and now I know why. I think the school is dying. So they need as much money as they could get to keep it running.
Personally... I don't want to pay a large sum of money to go back to my high school. That just seems silly to me. It's kind of too bad because I really like the curriculum. Especially for animation. I really like how it was structured. I also LOVE one on one teaching. Because that really helps me out with the extra focused attention. Oh well.
Another thing... the school is really small. Like REALLY REALLY small. If you put both campuses together (they split up the campuses since there wasn't enough room on the main campus) that would make about HALF of my high school. I'm serious. It's that small.
And so after all that shit I went through to get in and the financial aid troubles I am dropping out. After tomorrow I will no longer be a student of LCAD.
Chapter two
My apartment is small. It is a one bedroom which is okay I guess. I can live with that but what sucks about it is that there are a lot of problems with it. Like the smoke detector... it likes to beep every once in a while. We got the battery fixed in one of them but the other one beeped for a little while today. Which was confusing.
The stove likes to move around a little bit. Like if you open the oven door it will move forward. The balcony doesn't have a gutter so all the leaves from the trees gets blown on the balcony and just sits there.
The kitchen sink's water doesn't get very hot right away unless you crank it over and then it's too hot so it can't cool down. The dishwasher can't wash dishes... so it just steams them. There are occasionally ants; not in the kitchen thankfully. The worst part about this whole thing is that I signed the fucking lease. So I am stuck here for five months.
I also feel trapped because public transportation comes like every 30-40 minutes. Which sucks. So I haven't left the house much since I've been here. I have also been skipping class. I am going to be dropping out anyway so there isn't really much point in going. I haven't figured out how I am going to get enough money to be able to motor around. So I have been putting off looking for other work until tomorrow because I am conserving my cash. That way I'll be able to do all my errands in one fell swoop. Unfortunately the apartment is so far up the road that one can't really walk down it because there isn't a sidewalk since the road is so narrow.
The complex it's self is HUGE. It reminds me of my friend's apartment building with how large it is. There are TWO POOLS! A basketball court and a volleyball court, a common room and several laundry rooms. It's crazy. I think it's too big for them to handle and the people in the loan office are very... weird... with how they deal with things I suppose. They were just odd when I was there. Californians... *sigh*
I really like my roommate though. I believe I have stated this before but I really do enjoy her company. There are some things that I haven't told her... Like signing the lease... because she needs to sign it too otherwise I can't get the mail keys and common room keys. I don't know why that is so hard to mention that I signed it and I know that she'll be okay with going up there to put her name down on paper. Because she has done it before. I just feel bad. Because the shit storm is about to begin.
Chapter three
I am going to stay here in Laguna Beach for five months however. Since I have that fucking lease (and it ends in may) and that is the only noose around my neck at this point. I do have a job interview at a grocery store on Saturday which I am going to tell them that I am going to be working full time instead of part time. And if I start at 8.00 an hour that will help me pay the rent and the bills.
I haven't told my roommate that I am getting another job because she got me a job at the Laguna Culinary school as a dishwasher... But I can't do that job because it's a "don't call us, we'll call you" type of job. For the amount of rent that I need to be making that is not stable work. So at the moment I am trying to have all my bases covered. I want to tell her about the other job when I for sure have it. But I need to tell her about the lease thing either today or tomorrow so that I can get my bank card. I don't know how long it's sat there in that mail box and I don't know what else I have awaiting me in there.
Chapter Four
So after the five months are up I am going to be moving my shit elsewhere. I am looking at going to Santa Monica Community College just so until I can establish residency. Then from there I can go to a four year school like Fullerton or something. Then it wouldn't cost so much money.
But besides that my uncle is going to finish teaching me how to drive some weekend. So that I can get my license. My roommate told me where the easiest place to take the test is. I am definitely going to go there and ace the test.
So after much thinking the plan is:
- Drop out of LCAD
- Work ass off at the grocery store
- Finish learning how to drive
- Stay here in Laguna Beach for five months
- Enroll in a Santa Monica community college
- Move back up to LA
- Hopefully have a car... (maybe not)
- Work ass off part time somewhere
- Live in an apartment either in or out of Santa Monica
- Save money for the college that I want to transfer to
Thank you.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I have been having mixed feelings about this whole moving thing. I guess I feel lonely and now trapped because I am now on the lease with someone I sort of know. I kind of feel like I am invading her home and her space since none of my things have a place. They are all sort of stacked in the living room. I know that we are going to rearrange everything soon but I just feel like... I am alone here. I left most of my family behind and I miss everything already. Which I never thought I would but I do. But I know if I went back I would just be a failure. I would have given up on my dream and sulked back to the rain and the cold. I don't want that to happen.
I guess I am having a hard time adjusting. Doing this whole thing makes me want to return to where I am familiar with the area; where I am safe. Being here in California I feel naked and cold despite the weather. Since I don't know where I am and I'm unfamiliar with the terrain and the territory. I am having trouble saying that this is my home now. Because it doesn't feel like it.
Despite all these negative feelings I know in my heart that after a few months of work and hopefully school I'll be able to make some friends and have a good time here. I mean I only have two more days. Then I can hopefully busy my self enough so that I can forget about being alone. I just miss everyone and I love them all.
I really like my roommate however. She is really nice. She happens to be a Libra to my surprise. So... it is going to be kind of like living with my sister only more low-key.
But she does have her own life and a boyfriend so she's kind of been in and out...
Back to the bad news... I might not be able to go to school because my financal aid got all fucked up I fixed it during the week to see if the numbers would go through but I get the feeling that the government won't catch it until it is way later and that would complicate things. But this whole thing started because I input the wrong amount in my mom's income and they didn't see that it was wrong so they thought that she would be able to give 6,300.00 but she can't because of the amount of income that she makes. So now there is that much money left to deal with and so far it's not getting paid.
I changed the numbers but I honestly think that they won't be able to catch it until later. Because it's the government.
My mom is willing to take out the loan but she needs to know if the numbers have changed which I don't think it has. So... I either try and pay the school back on a payment plan. Or... try and see if I can't borrow more money or... not go to school this term and go to school in the fall and just work the spring and summer. I would prefer not to do plan c... because it sucks. So I am going to work on trying to get more financial aid. Hopefully so that my mom doesn't have to pay that much back.
I guess I am having a hard time adjusting. Doing this whole thing makes me want to return to where I am familiar with the area; where I am safe. Being here in California I feel naked and cold despite the weather. Since I don't know where I am and I'm unfamiliar with the terrain and the territory. I am having trouble saying that this is my home now. Because it doesn't feel like it.
Despite all these negative feelings I know in my heart that after a few months of work and hopefully school I'll be able to make some friends and have a good time here. I mean I only have two more days. Then I can hopefully busy my self enough so that I can forget about being alone. I just miss everyone and I love them all.
I really like my roommate however. She is really nice. She happens to be a Libra to my surprise. So... it is going to be kind of like living with my sister only more low-key.
But she does have her own life and a boyfriend so she's kind of been in and out...
Back to the bad news... I might not be able to go to school because my financal aid got all fucked up I fixed it during the week to see if the numbers would go through but I get the feeling that the government won't catch it until it is way later and that would complicate things. But this whole thing started because I input the wrong amount in my mom's income and they didn't see that it was wrong so they thought that she would be able to give 6,300.00 but she can't because of the amount of income that she makes. So now there is that much money left to deal with and so far it's not getting paid.
I changed the numbers but I honestly think that they won't be able to catch it until later. Because it's the government.
My mom is willing to take out the loan but she needs to know if the numbers have changed which I don't think it has. So... I either try and pay the school back on a payment plan. Or... try and see if I can't borrow more money or... not go to school this term and go to school in the fall and just work the spring and summer. I would prefer not to do plan c... because it sucks. So I am going to work on trying to get more financial aid. Hopefully so that my mom doesn't have to pay that much back.
Monday, January 7, 2008
So.
I met with my rommie and she is really cool. She's got a gamecube an N-64 and a X-Box plus with my PS2 we are going to be set. I wonder if she has Halo...
Anyway. She has blue hair and she is into animation and she likes Vasquez and stuff so there really isn't much else to say besides I think we will get along.
Which is the important thing. and she has a kitty. His name is Rasta. He is really cute and a very mellow kitty. The other important thing that I am working on is finding work. Which after my orientation I have all fucking week to do it.
The thing about this situation is that I knew that it would turn out alright. The thing about my parents is that they have no patience. The apartment is really cool and spacious. I mean it is small... but the ceilings are big and it has a nice view of the trees. and the giant canyon. Holy shit. At least I won't have to worry about a tsunami because even if the water made it through the first half of the canyon the apartment building is on top of a freaking hill. I don't think I am in any danger. Not like I want to manifest a situation or anything.
Anyway. Just got the Paprika soundtrack... that movie is seriously a mind fuck man... I kind of want to see it again so that I can understand what is going on. But the soundtrack is hypnotic. I couldn't help but get sucked into the music every time and after I saw the fucking movie I heard the music replaying in my head. Until I listened to it again. O__O. What a weird anime. damn.
I am bored now. Your explanations bore me. I am going now.
I met with my rommie and she is really cool. She's got a gamecube an N-64 and a X-Box plus with my PS2 we are going to be set. I wonder if she has Halo...
Anyway. She has blue hair and she is into animation and she likes Vasquez and stuff so there really isn't much else to say besides I think we will get along.
Which is the important thing. and she has a kitty. His name is Rasta. He is really cute and a very mellow kitty. The other important thing that I am working on is finding work. Which after my orientation I have all fucking week to do it.
The thing about this situation is that I knew that it would turn out alright. The thing about my parents is that they have no patience. The apartment is really cool and spacious. I mean it is small... but the ceilings are big and it has a nice view of the trees. and the giant canyon. Holy shit. At least I won't have to worry about a tsunami because even if the water made it through the first half of the canyon the apartment building is on top of a freaking hill. I don't think I am in any danger. Not like I want to manifest a situation or anything.
Anyway. Just got the Paprika soundtrack... that movie is seriously a mind fuck man... I kind of want to see it again so that I can understand what is going on. But the soundtrack is hypnotic. I couldn't help but get sucked into the music every time and after I saw the fucking movie I heard the music replaying in my head. Until I listened to it again. O__O. What a weird anime. damn.
I am bored now. Your explanations bore me. I am going now.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Wow...
I have had one hell of a roller coaster ride let me tell ya.
I can't really say that LA hasn't been anything but an adventure. Although it is far from over. I still have to meet with my roommate and see the apartment. Honestly... I am worried about this whole thing. Since I don't have a lot of money I am trying to pay for rent which is going to be really expensive. I am also sharing a room which will make the difference on what I should be spending my money on. I have to keep in mind that it is almost 800 dollars a month. and it is due the first of the month. So I need to find work as soon as possible. I might have to commute. But we shall see. I can still say no. But a part from sharing a room... it sounds like I could get along with her.
oh fuck! I also don't know when I can move in... shit... I didn't think about that. I am gonna have to ask her mom or my roommate when I get the chance. Hopefully it can be as soon as tomorrow.
I fucking hope so.
This has been quite the adventure.
I have had one hell of a roller coaster ride let me tell ya.
I can't really say that LA hasn't been anything but an adventure. Although it is far from over. I still have to meet with my roommate and see the apartment. Honestly... I am worried about this whole thing. Since I don't have a lot of money I am trying to pay for rent which is going to be really expensive. I am also sharing a room which will make the difference on what I should be spending my money on. I have to keep in mind that it is almost 800 dollars a month. and it is due the first of the month. So I need to find work as soon as possible. I might have to commute. But we shall see. I can still say no. But a part from sharing a room... it sounds like I could get along with her.
oh fuck! I also don't know when I can move in... shit... I didn't think about that. I am gonna have to ask her mom or my roommate when I get the chance. Hopefully it can be as soon as tomorrow.
I fucking hope so.
This has been quite the adventure.
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