I have been having mixed feelings about this whole moving thing. I guess I feel lonely and now trapped because I am now on the lease with someone I sort of know. I kind of feel like I am invading her home and her space since none of my things have a place. They are all sort of stacked in the living room. I know that we are going to rearrange everything soon but I just feel like... I am alone here. I left most of my family behind and I miss everything already. Which I never thought I would but I do. But I know if I went back I would just be a failure. I would have given up on my dream and sulked back to the rain and the cold. I don't want that to happen.

I guess I am having a hard time adjusting. Doing this whole thing makes me want to return to where I am familiar with the area; where I am safe. Being here in California I feel naked and cold despite the weather. Since I don't know where I am and I'm unfamiliar with the terrain and the territory. I am having trouble saying that this is my home now. Because it doesn't feel like it.

Despite all these negative feelings I know in my heart that after a few months of work and hopefully school I'll be able to make some friends and have a good time here. I mean I only have two more days. Then I can hopefully busy my self enough so that I can forget about being alone. I just miss everyone and I love them all.

I really like my roommate however. She is really nice. She happens to be a Libra to my surprise. So... it is going to be kind of like living with my sister only more low-key.
But she does have her own life and a boyfriend so she's kind of been in and out...

Back to the bad news... I might not be able to go to school because my financal aid got all fucked up I fixed it during the week to see if the numbers would go through but I get the feeling that the government won't catch it until it is way later and that would complicate things. But this whole thing started because I input the wrong amount in my mom's income and they didn't see that it was wrong so they thought that she would be able to give 6,300.00 but she can't because of the amount of income that she makes. So now there is that much money left to deal with and so far it's not getting paid.

I changed the numbers but I honestly think that they won't be able to catch it until later. Because it's the government.
My mom is willing to take out the loan but she needs to know if the numbers have changed which I don't think it has. So... I either try and pay the school back on a payment plan. Or... try and see if I can't borrow more money or... not go to school this term and go to school in the fall and just work the spring and summer. I would prefer not to do plan c... because it sucks. So I am going to work on trying to get more financial aid. Hopefully so that my mom doesn't have to pay that much back.